Diary entry – 04:57 AM
The alarm hasn't even rung yet, but my body is already awake. Not out of a sense of duty. But because of this tingling. This fine, restless desire under the duvet, which runs through my skin like a quiet whisper. Outside it's still quiet – only the hum of the coffee machine from the kitchen next door reminds me that everyday life will begin soon. Office, appointments, functioning.
But my head is somewhere else entirely. I would prefer strong hands on my hips, hot lips on my neck, instead of cold water on my face. I would prefer o****ms, no elevator splashes. I would prefer deep looks, no glance at the appointment calendar.
How damn unfair that you feel most alive precisely when you have to pull yourself together. My body craves distraction – not from work, but from the obligation. From reason. From everything that isn't wet, rough, soiled, or full of skin.
I don't want to just wake up in the morning. I want to be awakened – properly. With a t****e, with pressure, with a bite. Instead of muesli, a little morning madness. Instead of news, moaning sounds in my ear. Instead of "Good morning," a "Don't move – I'm not finished with you…"
But okay. I'll go take a shower then. Maybe I'll think of you while I'm at it. Or about what we would do if you were here now. Just before five – the most beautiful time to really wake up… or completely lose your mind.